First of all let me apologise for taking so long to get another blog post up. Life has that funny way of getting in the way of the best laid of plans and somehow 2 years have gone by since I last posted. I will try to post more often now (if for no reason other than having a lot of things to say about mental health) but we'll see how that goes. One of these will be a bit of an update on many things in my life and my mental health, but for now these's something else I want to talk about:
Suicide.
It's a word that has a lot of power and stigma, but one we really must not be afraid to talk about. I've been wanting to write about this for some time, in light of the number of celebrities we've sadly lost to suicide in recent years. Since my last post we've lost Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, Keith Flint and many others. They were all great musicians, and great people and their music has been a big part of my life. I've been particularly motivated to write this post today in particular as it marks 25 years since we lost Kurt Cobain to suicide. We are all too aware of how the media coverage goes for such tragic deaths and how we talk of the great tragedy and how things need to change for the better. Sadly other things (B-word for example) quickly dominate the news and it feels these days the mental health is taking more of a backseat in the collective consciousness than it did 3 years ago. This is a shame because progress has been so hard fought for and has been made in a huge way. We are still fighting to keep mental health on the national agenda, and it should be as it is a health crisis in the UK. In 2017, 5,821 people lost their life to suicide in the UK (per the ONS), that's 16 people a day, or one every 90 minutes. Progress is such that many, if not most, of you will have heard many of the statistics about suicide in the UK. The key points being 3/4 of suicides are by males (12 a day in 2017) and that suicide is the leading killer of young people, and especially young men. This has spawned a wealth of campaigning which I have been so happy to see about the epidemic of young male suicide (though suicide is most prevalent in those in their middle age). In particular the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM: thecalmzone.net) have done some amazing work and Mind, the Mental Health Charity, have worked closely with many sports teams and organisations to open the discussion of mental health. A lot of work by CALM,especially with musicians, has led to some very powerful art out there, one of my favourite songs of late being Dead Boys by Sam Fender which is about young male suicide and its effect on communities (who is awesome and you should definitely check out - here's the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcO8uV2n3Ys). This work has been fantastic and seeing people feeling more able to talk about their own mental health is something I'm so glad I have been able to see, so you might ask what's this post all about...
Suicide.
There I've said it again. It's the elephant in the room. The one bit of mental health it's still so hard to be frank about. The thing that has such huge effects on all those around it and yet people are so afraid to talk about it.The so-called 'silent killer'. There's still so much stigma about it, and in that stigma we give it power. I'll let you into a not-very-well-kept secret, talking about suicide won't be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Actually, if someone is genuinely having thoughts of suicide, asking about it is one of the best things you can do. I would be the first to admit it won't be an easy conversation, having sat on both sides of it, but it is a conversation that will save lives. You don't have to beat around the bush, if it's something you suspect someone might be experiencing just ask them: 'Are you having thoughts of suicide?', though do be understanding and really listen to what they say. Often the response will be emotional, often not, but most people will tell you speaking about these thoughts is a huge relief and helps immensely. I for one have never regretted asking the question and know personally how much opening up about my own suicidal thoughts made a huge difference to me. Just to share these thoughts helps to reduce their power. I should add, these are common thoughts. Statistics say as many as 1 in 4 of us have suicidal thoughts in our lifetimes. So why shouldn't we talk about them. It's the silence that kills. All too often we hear of how if only we'd known, so don't let it be too late before you do know. I've never had someone be offended when asked about suicidal thoughts when it's come from me truly caring about someone's well-being. Just don't be scared to ask about...
Suicide.
Again it's something we all too often hear we had no idea it was coming. We should have known, but how could we know. This is my final thought for tonight. I was recently at a training course for coaching and I was told the phrase: 'You never know what is going on in someone's life, never forget that'. It seems so apt in this situation. Especially in high-profile suicides, we hear all about how no one saw it coming, they were always so happy, they had so much success and love and why? Well that's the thing about the black dog, it doesn't care about anything on the outside, but it erodes you from the inside until you feel there is no way out. I myself have battled with my own black dog for years, and this month marks 5 years since my dog was labelled, medicated and forever became a part of who I am. In 2014, I very nearly lost my worst battle with the dog and many people didn't see it coming because I hid it so well. That's why silence kills. You can put on a brave face to the outside world using all the energy you have left, so that once the mask comes off there is nothing left. I myself am all too guilty of this. Thankfully it's never been as bad as it was in 2014, but I still to this day battle with my black dog, but I like to think I've got him more under control and better-trained. The last few years have been up and down and certainly haven't been easy, but because I have people who aren't scared for me to be frank with them I know this isn't just my own battle anymore. On the worst of days (thankfully now rare), those old voices that talk about suicide resurface, and I know that's not me and it's not ideation or planning, but I know those remnants of my dark days in 2014 will never truly leave me and I have mindfulness to thank for being able to put those voices in their box, to let them be heard, shared with others and their power to be taken away. I like to think that those thoughts serve to remind me why I should always hold out a hand to others in their own battles. I want others to know they aren't alone, and having these thoughts is OK, please don't be afraid to tell people. By having these thoughts in the open we can take away their power. We are far stronger together than we are alone. And that is why we need to talk about suicide. People need to know they can let their mask down and let others in. I've heard it said depression is the illness of the strong, those who can suffer so much and yet do all they can for others never giving a sign of their own battle. This probably resonates with many of you, and thinking to Keith Flint and Robin Williams I can see what this means. These were men who many accounts suggest had huge hearts and did do much for so many people (look up the story about Keith Flint and James Blunt to see what I mean) and yet eventually their own black dogs wore away at them until their battle was lost after fighting. That's the thing about suicide, it's not a cop-out or weakness, but from being so strong for so long that it wears you down. So please, let's remove the final taboo of mental health. Let's talk about suicide (in an empathetic way) and let's take the power of silence away. Silence kills and I for one would ask, I hope you would too!
P.s. Sorry if I haven't been great at keeping in touch, between work and varying mental health it's been a long couple of years. But there have been many positives too and you don't need to be overly worried about me, I have a great support network and by now you should know how I'm not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve. It's my hope with frank posts like this that more people can feel free to be honest about their mental health and we can end that silence that is so deadly.
